What Happens When You Stop Breastfeeding - The Hidden Transition of Weaning

What Happens to a Mother’s Mind and Body When Breastfeeding Ends

Nobody warned me how much I would miss it. Not just the act of breastfeeding itself, the closeness and the quiet time with Atalanta — but the version of myself I seemed to be during that time: softer, closer, more grounded in the rhythm of her needs. A touch on my skin and everything would settle.

And then… it changed.

I stopped breastfeeding. And the change wasn’t just in her. It was in me.

The Unspoken Shift

When we talk about weaning, we usually talk about the baby: How to introduce solids. When to stop. How to set up a new bedtime routine. How to soothe them through the night. But almost no one talks about what happens in the mother. Are we really expecting it not to have any impact? Or are we just once again not asking the right questions?

Because the moment breastfeeding stops — whether suddenly or gradually — the brain enters a new phase. And it’s not always gentle.

This transition brings with it:

• Sudden mood swings or depressive dips

• Irritability or waves of unexplained anger

• Emotional numbness, like a fog has settled

• Restlessness or anxiety, even when your child is calm

• Sleep disturbances — especially strange, since your baby may finally be sleeping better

• A haunting sense of: “I should be okay… so why do I feel this way?”

And let me be clear: I had it all! Not just for a moment, but for weeks and months. I didn’t t recognize myself anymore. I didn’t understand what has been happening - where was this new person comming from? And most importantly: how can I get rid of her? There were many moments when I honestly felt like a terrible mother.

Hormones: The Silent Architects

But then there was the day when I suddenly realized when that shift has happened. Around her 1st birthday - when I stopped breastfeeding. So let’s work this out:

The drop in prolactin and oxytocin after weaning is more intense than many realize.

• Prolactin, the milk-making hormone, also creates a calming, bonding effect in the mother.

• Oxytocin, the love hormone, rises every time you nurse — helping you feel connected, safe, even euphoric.

When those hormones fall, the system scrambles to recalibrate. Some researchers believe this hormonal transition can be more emotionally destabilizing than the postpartum crash after birth — but it gets far less attention - if any. And for many of us, the emotional impact arrives after the applause has faded.

You’re done breastfeeding. People expect you to be free and to feel free. But instead, you feel fractured.

Rage, Grief, and the Ghost of Independence

It’s hard to explain how rage can live right next to love. How you are at one time your baby’s best friend in the universe and the next you have to remind yourself not to scream - and I mean SCREAM. But this too is part of weaning.

When your body no longer anchors you in closeness, you begin to remember the “you” you once were — spontaneous, independent, maybe even bored sometimes. And for me, as an Aquarius, that memory runs deep. We’re known for our strong desire for independence and freedom — valuing autonomy and the ability to choose our own path, often placing authenticity above societal expectations.

And then you lose her all over again.

Some mothers feel grief for the breastfeeding bond. Others feel guilt for not missing it more. Some, like me, feel both — mixed with flashes of anger so fierce, you wonder who you’ve become.

This is not failure.

This is biology.

This is transformation.

You Are Still Becoming

The emotional changes after weaning are real — and yet we rarely name them as part of the rite of passage women go through. Just like the transformation into motherhood at birth, this too is a doorway. Letting go of breastfeeding is not just a practical step — it’s a psychological molting. You shed a part of yourself, and there’s a rawness as something new begins to grow.

You may need time to:

• Rest more deeply (without guilt)

• Be held, without having to explain

• Reconnect with the rhythms of your own body

• Grieve the version of you that lived between milk and skin

For the Mothers in the Middle

If you’re in this space now — or if you’ve been there and never had words for it — this is your permission to feel all of it.

The grief, the rage, the confusion.

The tenderness. The awe.

You are not broken.

You are still becoming.

And weaning may not be the end of something — but the quiet beginning of the next mother you’re meant to be.